Open bed!

With Tata’s departure that leaves us with an open bed. I spoke with my licensing worker about the potential adoptive placement and it was an open and shut case, she needed to stay in the city she is currently residing in. I’m beginning to feel like this adoption stuff is for the birds! While I have had a successful adoption via foster care, it took long time to become completed. I truly thought that finding an adoptable child would be easy; older children need homes. I have jumped through hoops, sent my homestudy to various agencies (over 20 times,) and made it quite clear to my team that adoption was my motive. I enjoy foster care and I LOVE when kids are reunified with their bio families, but we’d like to offer a permanent solution to a child.

Loud and Lovely’s case is a mess, I’m unsure where it will go. We’ve got different bio dad’s, accusations, missed visits, behaviors, no contact with other siblings, a nonexsistant case worker, and more excuses than I can deal with. Lovely is a good girl, a hard worker and she is eager to please. Her bio family has instilled in her that excuses make everything better. All things, both big and small, there is an excuse for. It drives me batty. ‘My mom was a teenager when she had me, that’s why she doesn’t know how to take care of us.’ or ‘My mom asked me lie to the case worker so they could just get out of our lives, she doesn’t know any better.’ My favorite so far, and by favorite I mean it’s the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard ‘I can’t go outside with everyone, I’m allergic to grass and I’ll get hives everywhere.’ GUYS! We live in the desert, there is no grass in the vicinity of my home… not for miles. Also, she isn’t allergic to anything according to her medical records.

Loud had made some huge improvements in the last couple of weeks, now we are back tracking. He has started acting out again, I took him out into the community as his behaviors were improving tremendously… big mistake. Mohave County Mama learned a damn lesson. I think I had moved too fast, he clearly needs more time to develop the skills that we are teaching him. In addition; mental health continues to be a joke. I’m getting nowhere. I’m anxious about Halloween, how in the heck am I going to manage Loud? I’ll be brainstorming.

I’m doing surprisingly well, amazing actually. I had a blip in the mental health department a few months ago, stayed objective, made some changes, and I am officially an Overcomer! In fact, I’ve never felt better emotionally… physically not so much. I’m sorta fat. One thing at a time, right?! I’ll get less fat next, I mean… what else have I got to do? I’m not working, so yeah. Well, I’ve been toying with the idea to head back to school.

Husband has been stressed out and that brings on the snoring, WTF man? I’m trying to get my fat girl sleep here. All that snoring leaves me a bit cranky and irritable BUT, hey, there are worse things in life than a snoring husband. For example, a rabid Chihuahua backing you into a fire pit full of cobras or panties full of porcupine quills during a 5k. See, I’m an optimist. Snoring is legit. My Fitbit says I’m not hitting my sleep target, that’s all I’m saying.

In closing I’d like to say that I’m very upset that I did not with the billion dollar Mega Millions. Total crap.

I’m getting pretty good at this.

The placement that was supposed to come has gone elsewhere. Surprise! DCYS has a mind of their own and nothing is EVER set in stone. I’m definitely not butthurt, I’m just happy the child has a safe place and is loved. 

I had a call about a new placement today. I said no. I’m really getting good at saying no. I finally have a firm understanding about how critical it is to have a good match and maintaining my household. Yes, my heart is big and I want to help every child I am able to…but I have to maintain a level of security in my household. My family doesn’t need any more obstacles than we already face, and so, I just roll with it  and make the hard choice to say no. I do have some mama guilt about it… ‘Who will love them if I don’t?’ OR ‘Will this child end up in a group home because I didn’t give him/her a chance?’ It sucks and I’m okay with it. I try to remind myself that there are several foster homes like ours, that another foster family felt the same way, and that there is a place for everyone. 

School starts on Monday, can I get a Hallelujah?! This last week of summer has got me on edge; I wish it weren’t so hot outside otherwise I’d insist that everyone spend time outdoors. Mama needs a break. Or a cocktail, either works! I have everyone’s things ready for school, 6 little people going off to school! Although, Husband and I waited until the last minute to order shoes online and I’m hoping and praying that their shoes arrive before school actually starts. I could potentially be That Mom who send her kids to school with tattered shoes that barely survived summer vacation. That would be pretty cool. –  no mom ever

I’ve got no other news. This post was brought to you by Chardonnay and the letters O, M, and G.