5 things for Blue

Dear Blue, 

     I hate getting documents in the mail regarding your case. I wish I could hide them from you and act like they don’t exist. I understand that you have a deep desire to go home, I want that too. It hurts me to give you details of your case and see your eyes well up with tears, you don’t deserve this. I will find a positive, I will reassure you that there is still a possibility that things can change, and I will always say positive things about your bio parents. I know that your parents love you and I hope you know that too. People make mistakes everyday and we can’t define people by their mistakes, I know you have mixed feelings about your case and you consistently ask me ‘Why did this happen to me?’ Blue, this didn’t happen to YOU, it happened to your parents. Your situation is a direct result of their choices. Sometimes when we make choices and don’t think through the consequences are atrocious, it happens to me often. In fact, I’m sure it happens to everyone regularly; we get impulsive. I know how hard it is on you to fit in at school, I know that you often feel socially isolated, I know that you struggle with maintaining relationships as you fear of establishing bonds with people because you fantasize about going home and don’t want to hurt anyone when you leave. I get it, I respect it. Everyone has a life story, some have easy lives and others have hard lives…you get what you get. These things are what shape our character and make us who we are, don’t feel isolated, every person you have ever talked to has had their own series of struggles and victories. 

Here are 5 things I want you to know:

1. You are beautiful, inside and out. You’ve got a bubbly personality and you are a complete knockout, boys and girls alike notice how gorgeous you are. You make people smile with your silliness and you are on the fence of being hyper conservative and mildly liberal…we can tell and it makes you genuine. You are helpful and kind, your talents are amazing, and your klutziness is cute. You are worthy and I know you’re going to do great things with your life. 

2. Your family loves you. Yes, they do. Your siblings, your parents, your grandparents, all of them love you more than you know. I understand that you get discouraged sometimes with the changes happening within your family, love never fades. You parents will care deeply about you forever…no matter what. Please remember that when you feel like your siblings are slipping away.  You are loved.

3. MY family loves you. You offer this calming and reasonable personality that our home needs and respects. You are so bright and glittery; you make my day better just seeing you in the morning for that brief 3 seconds when you tell me goodbye on your way to school. All of the kids constantly tell me how great you are, you play with them, and they remind me that you’re nice to them. Husband often tells me how much he adores you, he says you are funny and super smart. To be honest, we’re going to be devastated when you go home. You are a wonderful young woman and we are all honored to know you. 

4. You can achieve your goals here or with your parents. Just because you’re here doesn’t mean you can’t move forward. You aren’t betraying your parents by having fun, experiencing new things, or working toward your future. I hope you know that I want you to successful just as much as your parents do. I will help facilitate any dream you have, I’m here for you. 

5. You often feel like your world is crumbling right before your eyes, right now your life is in shambles and you just want it to go back to normal. I want you to remember that this will be a small, insignificant, blip in your life. Once you’re an adult you will reflect on this time and realize what you’ve taken from this process. You will realize that you had 2 families who cared about you, you will realize that I was right about a lot of the stuff I talk to you about, and you will learn to be thankful for this time period of your life. I know you don’t see it now, you will someday.   

Work on your confidence, Blue. Someone as awesome as you should shine like a diamond, shimmer and sparkle, and take this world by storm. I believe in you. You are worthy. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. ❤

My life is a Sitcom

Is this really my life?! Am I on Punk’d?! My life is hilarious. Seriously, our household is FULL of laughter and strangeness, I often think to myself “Is this even real?!” My kids say insane things out loud and I don’t think other families are like ours. I’m going to make up movie titles and a plot teaser to give you a sneak peek into my life that sometimes I feel isn’t real. These are all things discussed at the dinner table,  FYI.

The Dry Tampon: A story of self exploration and pain of removing a dry tampon before reaching puberty.

The Dirty Rap Song: A blossoming relationship based on singing a song with the word ‘p*ssy’ in a crowded hallway at school.

Pregnancy 101: You won’t get pregnant if you take it in the butt, but you can still contract gonorrhea and other life lessons from tweens.

Playground Battles: A story based on true events where a playground moniter has had enough of the kids crap and flips them the bird.

I Hurt my Vagina: A warming tale of a girl injured by her bike seat while trying to mimic her brothers ‘sick moves.’

Riding the Wall: An epic thriller where a toddler on a Strider knows no boundaries, is careless, and wants to die. She proves to her family that the gene pool is, in fact, shallow.

I Need a Bandaid IIV: A true story based on real life events. A blue eyed girl is on a mission, to gain grace. Bikes, mountains, and sidewalks always win in this award winning Sundance film. 

What is that Smell?: A horror film based on the smell if a young girls feet. PG13

My Penis Hurts and Other Boy Related Genitalia Stories: How often do your penis and balls get hurt? Not nearly as much as this young boys; an intriguing story starting with BB guns and ending with fence posts.

This is my life. This is real. This is hilarious. 

The wait continues

We have recieved news of the judges ruling, it is bittersweet. Isn’t always bittersweet in the world of foster care? The good news…severance was granted. The bad news…there will be more waiting; we have another court date in the middle of summer. There is also appeals that could be made by the bio parents. Waiting, it’s the foster care way.

We had Bells birthday party last week, she picked her decorations, cake, and 4 fish! She asked for fish for her birthday gift, sweet girl. We had a fun pool party and invited some of her bio family to come celebrate. It was a nice day, everyone had a great time. Bells enjoys her gymnastics class and reading.

Shy is still working on his party plans, he mentioned having a party at the lake and eating cake. He hasn’t even given me any birthday gift ideas! He has expressed interest in football, however he is’nt keen on commitments. I really want to get him into an activity or sport but only time will tell what be will choose.

We. Are. Moving. It is NOT fun. The kids help a lot, the boys are working hard and effective. I am proud of them. I wish the girls would help out more; what can you do? The kids will all stay in their current school district, that is a relief and after we move into our new home we will have a pool party and invite all our friends over.

We are currently fundraising to help pay for cheer travel costs, we are going to Florida in April. Heeeey, the Summit! Biscuit is excited about this trip, I am too, she is psyched. Biscuit is working on her full, she gets frustrated and cries. She keeps going through this cycle; new skill, crying and ‘I can’t do it!,’ success. Let’s hope she successfully conquers it soon!

Boychild has turned a new leaf, he is being responsible! I am very happy to see this change, our whole family is. He completes his chores independently, he tidies up his room independently, and he gets himself ready in the morning without any prompting. It may seem small to you but to us this is a huge milestone! I am proud of him. At our new home we live close to the open desert so he will be out riding his dirtbike more, he is happy about that.

Bunny has been naughty, she is pushing the limits and learning the hard way. It sucks BUT she is a fast learner and has been working at making good choices. She really enjoys drawing/writing, playdoh, and coloring. She is my artsy kid! Bunny has been perfecting her back-handspring and loves cheer!

Lemon is learning new things and being a typical toddler. Recently she has taken an interest in reading! We will begin sight words after our move, things are hectic right now. She attends preschool and goes to tumbling classes, she wants to be a cheerleader like her sisters.

Tonight is date night! Wednesdays are my favorite days, no dinner to make! I get time to hang out with the husband and often other friends too! Adults only time is wonderful and anyone who says anything different is crazy. Oh, one last thing. I recieved some Younique liquid foundation and I will be doing a review on it soon!

March second is going to be cool

There is this resident badass in Lake Havasu, he’s a writer for Today’s News-Herald locally. His name is Buck, Buck Dopp. Google him, he’s rad (he’s a published writer, y’all.) Buck is doing a foster care story and guess what? I’m going to be a part of that. AWESOME.

Buy a paper on March 2nd, 2016. Between Buck’s awesome writing and my epic quotes…it’s going to be great. Mark your calendars people!

They’re coming!

The DCS caseworker called to let me know that they’re on their way! I’m excited, scared, anxious, and happy. How can it be that I can feel that wide range of emotions collectively?! All of a sudden I feel ill prepared, what should I be doing right now? Clean? Pace? Make a sandwich? We’re going to be a family of 8 again! I’m still not sure about how long they’ll be here but when the caseworker arrives in about 30 minutes I should have some answers. Just this morning I was being a cotton headed ninnymuggins and now this… this is an epic ride!

Breaking news, God has a sense of humor.

As soon had I had pressed send on that last blog post I received a call from DCS and the caseworker filled me in on what was happening with the two kids from out of the area. ‘Sup God, I know you’re listening. A huge shout out to the Lord this morning, I know I was being a brat…further proof that God is good even if you’re behaving like an ass. In any case, I was told that it’s a pretty good chance that these kids will be coming here. This is the furthest we’ve gotten to a ‘real’ placement. Also, I’ve decided to stop whining, I knew what I was getting into… mostly. I better let Jesus take the wheel but I’m still hoping he drives a Ferrari.

Maybe this is it, maybe not.

I’ve been coping with the uncertainty and newness of this foster care journey pretty well, I think. I’m a little bit scared that I’ll no longer be frantically trying to get things in order after I receive a placement call…because things keep falling through or getting solved. No one wants to be caught with their pants down, order is crucial to most of us. Luckily, I’ve got a type B personality and I don’t often freak out about things. I’m scared that one day I’ll agree to placement (like today, I’ll tell you more in a sec) and I’ll go about my daily business and not go pick up clothes or find extra backpacks and KABLAMO kids will appear at my door.

I just received a call from our placement agency, a female 6 and a male 10. I said yes, because I’m all about the yes word and going with the flow of this crazy foster care system. The children currently go to school in the town over, it’s about an hour and a half away. One of my blogger friends was recently faced with a situation similar to this and ended up taking the children to school pretty far from her home. I made sure to ask if they could be transferred to a local school and was told yes. Bloggers and blogs are your friend, read them and communicate with other foster patents because we really can learn from one another. I’m forever grateful for the friends and insight I’ve acquired from communicating with those who are doing the same things, facing the same struggles, and share a lot of the same feelings I’ve had.

I was told that there is a pretty good chance that these kids would be placed with is because we are in the same county. However, you should be getting a good of a feel of how things are around here in the foster care world, and just like me you know that nothing is certain. Here’s to another round of the waiting game! Cheers.

We got a call…

We received a call today about a brother and sister who are from out the area, I’m currently waiting on he caseworker to call me and fill in some gaps that the on call person from the agency didn’t know. The girl is 8 and the boy is 10, neglect and substance abuse is the cause for removal. They’re currently trying to find a home for them in their current city… if it fails they’re going to get back to me. Let the wait begin.