Being a foster parent is tough sometimes. I say those very words to myself several times a day ‘Focus on the child, not the behavior.’ Let’s be honest, sometimes it HARD to do that. Sometimes it’s not fair to do that. Dedicating copious hours to one child is not something I can do, I have an entire family that counts on me and when I take away from them it hurts them and me. I’ve neglected my family trying to help Loud, I feel like a failure. I can’t reach him and I’ve let my family down at the same. During the last week or two I’ve stopped trying as hard to reach Loud; I’ve started reconnecting with the rest of the group.
Sadly, it’s a relief.
My family is happy to receive the attention and I’m happy to be in the middle of it all again. Imagine feeling like an outsider in your own family, the family you worked so hard to create and nurture, only to be a total outcast. Sometimes you’ve got to focus on yourself and be grateful for all that you have… sometimes you’ve got to admit defeat. I can’t fix every child. Naturally, I’ll advocate for every child that is in my care until I’m blue in the face. I can’t win every battle.
Here’s the shitty reality; love cannot fix trauma. Despite all of my training, education, experience… I cannot be every child’s hero.
Foster care is draining in more ways than one. Not every person can do it and even those of us who are veterans fail miserably from time to time.
In other news, the household has been doing well. The kids had lots of fun over their 3 day weekend as they all farmed out to be with friends. I’ve been a prisoner due to my difficult placement and haven’t been able to take any of the kids to do our normal outings and such. I rely heavily on splitting our travel, outings, and tasks with Husband, someone has to stay home with Loud. The kids are doing well in school and activities. I’m thinking about putting a few of the kids in a youth golf program. That could be fun!
February has lots of traveling happening, it’s both stressful and exciting. I also have 3 birthdays in the family in February! Speaking of Birthdays Lemon will be 6 next week! I think Husband is going on a guys trip in February too, hello Glamis!
I’ve been sick the last several days, I think I’ve caught a stomach bug. Boo to that.