Clearly, I’m having an emotional week. I feel like a failure as a parent; my kids have had an emotional week too. One child accused me of not supporting them and picking favorites based on the decisions that I supported, one child is upset because I cannot afford to send them on a trip and requested that the child pay for the trip themselves, one child insists that she is unattractive AND has pink eye (I think it’s allergies but her older sibling convinced her it is, in fact, pink eye,) I wouldn’t let another child attend a party with high school senior boys, one went to bed crying because I didn’t hug them enough that day, one was wigging out about chores and how life isn’t ‘fair,’ another was upset that they weren’t allowed to stay up late. And that was just ONE day this week.
I’ll tell you what, parenting is hard. It’s sometimes emotionally exhausting. It’s painful. It’s disappointing. It’s full of ups and downs…the downs are debilitating. Teenage girls are hard. Yes, sometimes it is beautiful, funny, a learning experience, and all around lovely. But not this week. This week blows. I do not like disappointing my kids, I don’t like feeling defeated, I don’t like seeing my humans sad or hurt. I am not their friend, I am their mother. Every choice I make, I do in the best interest of my children. I constantly have to remind myself of those very words because it’s crazy, I remember being a teenager and I know how upset I’d get at my parents when they made their decisions. I know why my parents said no or treated me differently than my siblings. I do all the things that I do because I love them. I wish they would understand that. I wish they knew that I worry about each of them every-damn-day, for very different reasons, obviously, but I worry about them.
I am not the perfect parent, I make mistakes. I make bad choices. I’m not always the best role model. I’m selfish, stoic, and blunt. I am careless, irresponsible, and impulsive. I know my flaws, I am not nice! <—— definitely click that 😂!
I love my kids despite their flaws, I love them so deeply I will sacrifice anything and everything for them. I know they love me too, even if I hurt their feelings. I’m certain my babies know that I would do anything for them, within reason, and that all my choices typically have their best interest in mind… well after the initial dissapointment, punishment, or whatever ‘unfair’ decision I’ve made.
Stupid emotions. Parenting is hard.
In other news, I didn’t make the cut for the challenge. I didn’t think I would BUT a friend of mine did and i am SUPER excited for her! Yay!!