Is this really my life?! Am I on Punk’d?! My life is hilarious. Seriously, our household is FULL of laughter and strangeness, I often think to myself “Is this even real?!” My kids say insane things out loud and I don’t think other families are like ours. I’m going to make up movie titles and a plot teaser to give you a sneak peek into my life that sometimes I feel isn’t real. These are all things discussed at the dinner table,  FYI.

The Dry Tampon: A story of self exploration and pain of removing a dry tampon before reaching puberty.

The Dirty Rap Song: A blossoming relationship based on singing a song with the word ‘p*ssy’ in a crowded hallway at school.

Pregnancy 101: You won’t get pregnant if you take it in the butt, but you can still contract gonorrhea and other life lessons from tweens.

Playground Battles: A story based on true events where a playground moniter has had enough of the kids crap and flips them the bird.

I Hurt my Vagina: A warming tale of a girl injured by her bike seat while trying to mimic her brothers ‘sick moves.’

Riding the Wall: An epic thriller where a toddler on a Strider knows no boundaries, is careless, and wants to die. She proves to her family that the gene pool is, in fact, shallow.

I Need a Bandaid IIV: A true story based on real life events. A blue eyed girl is on a mission, to gain grace. Bikes, mountains, and sidewalks always win in this award winning Sundance film. 

What is that Smell?: A horror film based on the smell if a young girls feet. PG13

My Penis Hurts and Other Boy Related Genitalia Stories: How often do your penis and balls get hurt? Not nearly as much as this young boys; an intriguing story starting with BB guns and ending with fence posts.

This is my life. This is real. This is hilarious.