New light has been shown onto my current foster care placement, Bells and Shy might have family members that wishe to permantly parent them. It’s bittersweet, I love them SO much and would love to adopt them but I also want them happy. It’s not that they wouldn’t be happy with us forever, it’s just that they’ve experienced culture shock. After living a life with no rules, no schedule, and absolutely zero *normal family affairs it’s incredibly hard for kids to adjust to our lifestyle. Things as simple as clean bedding and family dinners were foreign to them, clothing and shoes that weren’t second hand were foreign to them, getting help with homework, and holding them accountable for their actions were also foreign to them. The kids probably think I’m a psychopath for having structure and rules but they suck it up and do as they’re told and try to fit in.
They’re happy with a simple life, their version of normal. They’re happy with their family, that’s where they belong and I have my fingers crossed SO hard that it works out, I want them to be happy and have relationships with their family members. I want reunification with their bio parents but if that cannot happen the next best thing is to have them parented by their family members.
I haven’t been this excited in weeks, I had been stressed out with the changes in their case…I had been stressed about my own parenting abilities as Shy has had some behavioral issues that I just couldn’t help him with. I’ve been worried about him in general as he has some serious emotional turmoil (rightfully so) and has been exploring dangerous avenues that aren’t typical with a standard childs development and social skill set.
The biggest downfall about most foster children is their intellectual delays; it’s clear that the Zero to Three theory is absolutely correct. Children are affected by their surroundings; children raised in poverty have serious long term affects.
It can take years to intellectually ‘catch up’ and often times they’ll never catch up. It wasn’t until I started fostering children that I truly realized how different children are; the ones that didn’t have *normal upbringing definately stood out intellectually. I’ve met children who are 10 but have the intellectual capacity of a 6 year old, I’ve also met a 7 year old who had the intellectual capacity of a 15 year old…that’s very uncommon but it’s happened.
I’m rambling. MCM signing off.
*normal meaning my social normal, everyone’s normal varies.