Imagine going to bed your typical self, in your normal sleeping attire, with your pillow, and your comforter. Sounds great doesn’t it? Now, imagine waking up and seemingly everything is the same. The same clothes, the same pillow, the same attire. Awesome! Alright, imagine leaping out of bed to start your day and realizing you only have one leg. You fall flat on your face, confused, lost, trying to figure out what to do…because holy crap your leg had disappeared overnight. Panic. Eventually you get up, and you try to function all day with your limb missing, and you figure out ways to make it work.

That’s how I feel. My kids went to visit their bio dad and I feel like a part of me is missing… three actually. I make too much dinner, I pull out too many snacks, I look and listen for them constantly, I’m pulling out stuff for their activities/sports, and I miss them. My heart aches because I cannot hold them or tickle them. My kids are my everything and it’s difficult (even if it is explained dramatically) to function without them. I have SO much free time that it is alarming and I constantly feel like I’m forgetting something. My life feels less full without them. Funny story, I generally take the same route most days, I ended up in the gym parking lot feeling frustrated that Biscuit hadn’t come outside and I figured she was chatting with her friends. I waited 10 minutes before I realized that I wasn’t waiting on anyone. Haha!

Lemon is enjoying the extra time she has with me. It’s been her and I a lot as Bells and Shy go to summer camp. Even with three kids home it’s still eerily quiet. No one is fighting, no one is being a tattle tale, no one is fussing about ‘he said, she said’ stuff. One perk? I’ve been able to read my book, it’s the love language book for kids, uninterrupted. Also, I’ve had time to fix up some American Girl dolls for the girls. See, I can be positive. šŸ™‚

Speaking of Bells and Shy, I’ve recently been communicating with their family members and I’ve even met some family members of theirs. They are both excited about school starting and they’ve both decided on activities to do once school has started. I’m really proud of them both and they’ve really opened up. It’s looking like they’ll be here for a while, I should start getting my Christmas stockpiling started.

I miss Boychild, Bunny, and Biscuit. It’s just a few more days! I can’t wait to snuggle my babies! I know, I know, stop whining. Soon, I’ll be whole again.

4 thoughts on “Lost”

  1. I know how you feel. My kids have been at their dads for 26 days. Only 4 more to go. I hate summer visits. That and Christmas is only time they go so it’s really hard on this momma who doesn’t like to share her kids. Lots of hugs.


    1. I’m grateful that bio dad is absent a majority of the time. I know that’s crappy to say but I am invested, I am partucipating, I want to.do all the stupid doctors appointments and the dentist appointments. I want to do all the parental stuff…I don’t want to be the person who buys my kids love. I adore being a parent.


  2. Whenever Ethan leaves to go off with Joe, I still want to get up and check on him, ask if he wants a snack, that sort of thing. I guess it never really leaves you.


    1. It’s terribly hard to not parent. It’s such a crazy thing to say. I always think I want alone time but when it comes down to it…I have no clue what to do when I’m not mothering.


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