I cannot believe how worked up I had had been. A close friend of mine suggested that I not worry as she had completed her home study several years earlier prior to her adoption… as hard as I had tried I was STRESSED OUT. La, our worker, had even said not to fret; it would be simple. I was still afraid of EVERYTHING. I was such an idiot. It was super easy and not anything to get worked up about.

La came in and we showed her around, she sketched out the floor plan of our home as she went. She didn’t comment about the dishes in the sink, the dirty socks that were on the stairs, the fake pine needles all over the floor in the living room that I had failed to vacuum, or even the mess outside in the sand area where the kids play. She didn’t look in or cabinets, closets, or pantry. I thought she would have. After she had a tour we sat down and talked, we had finished our application and have all of our ducks in a row, although she did mention that I screwed up my autobiography. Apparently they want to know what it was like growing up as a gypsy, my dads free spirited parenting, and more details about how Husband and I met. La was interested in Husband and his life, as he had not yet completed his autobiography. She wants to know stuff I hadn’t even thought about like when Husband was in juvenile hall, random crap he had done in college, and funny stories.

We have a few more visits before we are complete with our home study, it has to be 4 hours total. La told us that next time it will be much more personal and she will ask questions that might make us uncomfortable. Pfft, make US uncomfortable? Please. She also told us that we could be licenses for only boys, only girls, or both. Naturally we agreed on both as we don’t want to rule anyone out. La knows we are interested in adopting and she helped us understand that fragment of the ordeal. I had asked her how we get licensed to adopt, she says that we don’t until a child is legally free (parental rights severed) and then we get our foster license converted to an adoption license at that time. I am still unclear if we can continue to foster after having our license converted.

La asked me a question today, she asked “You look like you have it all together…do you?” I was proud to answer yes. I do have it all together; I am a mama…it’s my nature. Yes, I have struggles but I also have systems and I ROCK MOTHERHOOD. I have bad days, I have good days and I yell sometimes. I make mistakes but I always apologize. I used to say I wasn’t good at anything, I sucked at sports, I am a poor writer, and hobbies are out of the question. Now that I am older…I know I am a good mother! That is what I am good at.

Also, La expressed that she wanted to make sure we got licensed first. Does this me we are the star students? Hahah. I’m not going to lie; it felt good to know that she wanted to license us first. I truly believe we are model parents and that we have a very strange family dynamic but we work it better than runway models work their bodies.

Next on my agenda? I need a bigger dining room table. I currently  have a table for 8…it;s obvious that I need a table for 10.

In addition, I feel the need to document this: I have had a dream about a baby girl named Sally for three nights in a row. What does it mean?!

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