Red has decided that she’d like to be adopted in Washington state. I’m not super sad, I had already had prepared for this. I hope she finds her forever family and has a beautiful life.
I’m less emotionally distraught about the whole photolisting thing; if it’s supposed to happen… it will. The choice is Red’s and only God knows what will happen. I’m truly at peace with the entire situation, it feels pretty damn good too. The rollercoaster of emotion associated with foster care/adoption is asinine.
We recieved a new call a couple of days ago, a 16 year old girl who needs a home, and the said teen was not a call from my agency. Typically, all calls are filtered through your licensing agency but I’m sort of a naughty foster parent and I often get calls from mental health workers or lawyers who have worked with my family in the past or present. These people know my family dynamic, they visit my home at least once a month or communicate via email/phone weekly. These people talk with every person in my family and I trust them, undoubtedly.
My licensing worker is a cool guy and I am incredibly lucky to have him, he gets my family. But, licensing workers don’t like being side stepped because it makes them look like idiots to their supervisors. Don’t be a jerk foster parent. If for whatever reason you side step your licensing worker be a nice person and send them a text briefly explaining what’s going on, don’t make your licensing worker look like he/she cannot do their job. DCYS is to contact the licensing workers and the licensing worker is supposed to call the parents in an ideal world. However, I have directly contacted via DCYS directly in some cases too.
In any case; I said yes. Hear me out! I know some of you are shaking your heads ‘More kids?!’ Hush. Hair will be leaving shortly as she is moving to her adoptive home when school is out. Flower is going away to college shortly after Thailand (she hasn’t really saved any money so she could be home all summer which is fine, there is no rush for her to go.) That means I’ll have open beds. Also, my licensing worker has an enormous amount of faith in me as he has made the comment if it were needed I could change my licensing to ‘group home’ and accept more kids if we were in a bind. It shouldn’t come to that. Husband and I have a solid number, we will abide by our set rules otherwise I’ll be the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.
Our new placement will be moving in the first of next month. I believe we may be having a meet and greet this weekend…which doesn’t happen in foster care, not in my experience. It’s new but I’m all about it, whatever makes the transition easiest. Honestly, I feel good about it because if either my family or the girl think ‘Hell no!’ It’ll easy to opt out. Test driving. Man, this sounds extremely screwed up.
Foster care is the unknown, it’s taking chances, it’s rebuilding something that’s been broken. It’s teaching trust, normalcy, and loyalty. It’s about overcoming and growth too. It teaches my family to love unconditionally, to never take life for granted, and to give cheerfully. My family is continually growing both emotionally and in size, I couldn’t be happier. I’m aware that I’m not the perfect parent nor person, I’m just like anyone else…trying to make it work and learn from my mistakes. Oh boy, do I make mistakes. I’m working on talking without bad intent…this is hard. Self growth sucks but it is essential.
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FRIDAY THE 18TH AT 3:30PM
Come one, come all! If you live in Mohave County (or any county and want to drive to Lake Havasu City, Arizona) and want to come to and get the low-down on foster care in real life verbiage and not commercialized, and often confusing, like the licensing agencies spout off then sign up and come see me. This event will be hosted at my house and I promise to clean the bathrooms. 😂
I’ll give you real life advice, share stories, and we can have cocktails and snacks. Bring a friend. Share this link. Read my blog. Be happy.
I have not talked about Hair a lot, our 14 year old placement. In fact even locals didn’t know we had an additional foster child. It’s not because I don’t want to share about her… it’s because she’s a unique case. First, she isn’t like the other bubble gum princess girls in my home. She’s a little on the dark side, teetering emo, but not. She’s very smart and has had a bit of trouble sorting out her life; she’s short term and has an ICPC in place, after the school year is over she will be leaving our home. Second, she has to keep it on the downlow because of the type of case she is involved in, it could be dangerous to share anything about Hair and a slip up could lead to a shitshow.
I think my family offered her a glimpse into a ‘normal’ life and trust me when I say normal I say it very loosely. Normalcy includes family meals, chores, sibling responsibility and rivalry, other standard experiences that we typically overlook, sports and activities, loyalty, honesty, and forgiveness. Our version of normal includes howling down hallways, impromptu karaoke in public places, lack of pants, and acceptance despite differences.
I’m happy that we have helped her cycle through all the scenarios that are offered to her regarding her future, taught her that she has a voice, and watched her grow in many ways. I’m happy, yet sad, to see her go. It’s hard to let children borrow pieces of your heart, I always end up giving pieces away. My kids are forever even if they’re with for a short while.
Ah, the life of a foster family. They come, they go, they are forever in every aspect. Foster care is a weird thing…
Good news, everybody. I recieved a call today about another placement. I’m still on the fence about it and I’ve got to talk to Husband about it. She’s a short term placement, 2 months or so until she’s 18. We will see.
I also recieved a call about our photolisting inquiry, Red. She will think over some things and our agency will contact us about her final decision in a week or so. It’s got to be terribly hard to leave your home state and move into an adoptive home thousands of miles away. In addition; think about moving into a home full of strangers and a group of teenage girls. It’s crazy. I’m going to leave this to God, he’s got my back. God knows what and who should be in our home. Deep down I hope she’s my daughter, but I understand how these things work. I’m not going to go weird again, totally promise. <—— I realize that already sounds weird. 😂
I also inquired about another young girl, several weeks ago but I’ve yet to hear anything regarding her. There were only a few girls out of the 80 that would be a good match.
I’m going to host a casual Q& A at my home for people who are either nosey or want some information on becoming a foster parent. I have the details, people. The real deal, no BS, honest look at foster care and adoption. I am candid, fun, and I’m not going to guilt anyone into becoming a foster parent or adopting a child.
I want to teach people that it’s not as bad as everyone thinks. Trust me, I’ve been in some crappy situations but I’ve learned a lot. Please, let me give you the ins and outs of for real foster care. If anything there’s food, laughs, and cocktails. What have you got to loose?!
Contact me asap, I’m pushing for next Friday. I know you all want the nitty gritty on my family so why don’t you show up?! I’ll be dishing our real stories, experiences, and lessons I’ve learned.
Orlando was great! Biscuit, Bunny, and I spent time together at Disney World, ESPN, and enjoyed the trip. Husband, Blue, and Lemon enjoyed Disneyland and Laguna Beach.
Both of Biscuits teams advanced to day two of the finals. Bunny’s team didn’t so she had time to spend with bio dad.
It was a good trip, I was exhausted by the time we arrived home.
Photolisting: we’ve made contact with the case worker, well not US…my licensing agent. Apparently it went well! Next week sometime the case worker will talk with Red (I’m calling the photolisting girl Red) and see how she feels about our family. It’s weird, I feel vulnerable but excited. It’s a new process, I don’t know how it works in its entirety. I know that it will be an ICPC if things are a go. That sums up my knowledge.
Blue, Biscuit, Boychild, Bunny, and Lemon are happy to add to our family. Flower is being a brat about it, she is upset because she won’t know her siblings if we adopt more children. I don’t have the heart to tell her that she may not get to know Bunny, Boychild, or Lemon either. Adulting is hard; going away to college doesn’t mean that home life stands still. The kids will grow, they’ll move forward just as she does. In all reality she will end up being caught up in college life and she will put us on the backburner, as she should, and things will mellow out. Only then will she realize that we don’t revolve around her and see that she is creating a life that will. She’s a great girl, I have faith in her, I know she will do great things.
School: Flower is graduating this month! Boychild, Bunny, and Lemon are all attending private school this fall. Blue is attending summer school to get ahead in high school, Biscuit was going to but she suddenly changed her mind. I’m guessing it’s because between AP classes, cheer, fundraising, work… she is tired. Hair is doing her thing in her AP classes and will start dual enrollment classes soon. Pretty took a break from school this semester.
Travel: The Summit is this weekend, yay! Husband is taking Blue and Lemon to Disneyland this weekend too. Boychild wants to go on a solo trip with me when I’m back from Orlando, I’m cool with that! He wanted to go to the Monster Cup but that’s this weekend and both Husband and I are tied up. He is currently looking into concerts and places to travel. In 30 days we will be off to Thailand for 2 weeks. Then Colorado. Then Mexico.
I have strep throat. Yay me.
Guys, look at my beautiful family. Aaaah!!
That is the spot for our next family member…maybe? Who knows what will come.
What I do know is that I love my babies more than anything in this world. I love my husband more than anyone can imagine as he supports my every endeavor, he is loving, and just wonderful all around.
I’m sad because there are many children and teens in foster care.
I’m sad that sometimes their parents cannot overcome the obstacles to regain custody of their children.
I’m sad that there are many children looking for their permanent homes and families.
I’m sad because I cannot begin to imagine how that feels, it’s impossible for me.
I want every child to have a safe home to live in, safe doesn’t mean the cleanest or fanciest it means just that…safe. My parents didn’t have a fancy house, they didn’t have a lot of money, in fact I believe that my family is profoundly (and irreversibly) screwed up. But we cared for one another, we never went hungry, and we always had some sort of home.
I heard about people being investigated by the Department of Child Safety unjustly all the time, how stressful and debilitating it can be, and how violated people feel. I’ve heard cases of children being removed from their homes for asinine things such as: dirty shirts worn to school, torn shoes, and a rogue bruise. That could easily happen to you or me, we could be investigated at anytime. I’m so torn; how can I support something so fiercely but be on the fence about it too? There are children being removed for things that simply don’t make sense. There are children being removed for all the right reasons too.
I’m mostly sad because I, personally, cannot help every child who needs help. Who needs a family. Who needs to feel loved. Why can’t I be the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe? I’ll tell you why; I can’t help my kids at home feel loved, valued, cared for if I’m hung up on helping everyone else. I need to do better in my family, I need to make sure my kids know they are loved (and by who) instead of being selfish. I can do better. I will do better.
In the meantime please consider adoption via foster care or even foster care in general. It opens your eyes, your heart, and your mind. At the very least you can become licensed and foster family members or close friends children in the event it arises. Be prepared because we simply cannot predict the future.
Hug your kids, your spouse, your family, your best friend, your pet…love someone or something. Most of you reading this probably understand what love and being loved feels like. Don’t take that for granted.